WHY I DON’T USE
SOCIAL MEDIA
One of the things that makes me such an avid artist and enthusiastic community facilitator is that I am a highly sensitive person; the depth that I feel things is at the heart of all of my creations. However, this sensitivity has also made me prone to anxiety, depression and insomnia -and it’s also what makes me especially vulnerable to the side-effects of social media.
No doubt there are wonderful things that short-form social media offers, but as someone prone to mental health challenges, the psychological consequences far outweigh the benefits. So while I have certainly felt the pressure to engage social media as a modern pillar for any independent artist's success, acknowledging and having boundaries around what triggers my mental health challenges is an important part of my self care. I maintain that am still a valuable creator and contributor to community without engaging it. I know that I am still worthy of having a platform to share my gifts.
To illustrate why I have made a choice to disengage short-form social media, I’d like to tell you about the recent experience that ultimately led me to commit to paving a new path.
MY INSTAGRAM STORY
Recently, I returned to Instagram after having taken a nearly-6 month break from it. I’ve been on and off social media for many years now, each time pausing my interaction after noticing a significant psychological decline, each time returning, again, because the dominant narrative is that artists and community-builders need social media in order to succeed.
In the time that I was off, I became more focused and confident in my craft than ever before. It was in this time that began “This Wonderful World”. While I was sharing it on YouTube, I didn’t promote it outside of the group of people who were featured in it (by private email). The responses I received were directly to me from people who I had met in person. The connection felt tangible and real.
Then, when the second season came around I decided to share it on Instagram. I had grown so much confidence in my creation that I felt like I could engage social media in a whole new way. Plus, I had been applying to preform at live venues who asked for social media handles in their applications, so it felt important to have new content on my account.
Unsure of what to do, I dove in by doing live streams in which I explored some of the core concepts of my work a little more deeply: I led a short meditation. Then, I shared some relevant concepts for environmental stewardship. Finally, I shared semi-improvisational songs based on the concept-of-the-day (to demonstrate my creative practice whereby I process my life though the inherent poetry of seeing myself reflected in everything). Part of me knew that it was unconventional as most social media posts are meant to be very concise, but that’s what was coming most naturally to me. That’s what felt right (and I’m committed to following the inner compass of what feels right).
I loved doing it! It brought me so much joy to share my process again (after a long break from offering in-person workshops since the Corona came). I looked forward every morning to sharing.
But, inevitably, I found myself spending more and more time scrolling before and after my livestream. There was some great content that I found! Then, I found myself checking my account throughout the day to see if anyone had interacted with my content -and then scrolling a little more.
But I couldn’t help but to notice the crickets. And I couldn’t help but to notice that my follower-count had declined. I told myself not to worry about it- "you’re just starting-off. Give it time."
So I kept at it. I was enjoying offering my live-stream and enjoying seeing some really beautiful things in my feed. But I couldn’t help but to notice some of the paid ads in the mix: “If you don’t get enough interaction or followers, you are going to hurt your business” “If you’re using social media without a proven social media strategy, you shouldn’t even be posting” After about every 5 posts from folks that I followed were paid posts aimed to direct my focus to the numbers: how many followers, how many views, how many likes, how many comments. The implication was clear: low numbers = low value.
Trained in hypnotherapy, I have an acute awareness of how repetitive messaging impacts the subconscious. This is not -in any way- meant to insinuate any negative intent on behalf of the people making those adds (I'm sure they have a genuine desire to help) but simply to notice the effects: after about a week I began to notice my psychological state begin to waiver. I was feeling anxious and depressed to degrees that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I began to doubt things that I had confidence in. I felt like a fraud: I was singing about loving this wonderful world through presence and trust, but it was suddenly feeling hard to find any of that. After two weeks I was a wreck. I felt scattered, negative, and drained. I didn’t have the energy to do my self-care practices. It was hard to focus on getting anything done. The doubt spiraled. I started to feel paranoid.
Fortunately, I recognized this state of being relativity quickly. Thanks to my living meditation practice, I was grateful to at least be aware of what was going on. I was able to see myself objectively enough to recognize the decline and investigate the cause.
When I asked myself what had changed since I started feeling so badly, it was pretty obvious: I was on social media again. But this was humbling to recognize! My pride didn’t want to admit that I was so susceptible. I wanted to believe that I could handle it. That I was strong enough.
So I fought myself: “Come on, Alana! Don’t limit yourself. Suck it up. Don’t you have what it takes?” It was convinced: “If you don’t figure out how to do social media, you’ll never have any success in life. Your work depends it.” The negative self-talk got worse: “You’re so weak Alana. You’re so dumb.”
There was also the part of me that sincerely recognizes the many benefits that social media can bring, namely that through it I have become aware of some great creators and events.
So, for a minute I considered buying one of those social media growth programs. “Maybe they’re right,” I thought, “maybe I just need a better strategy.” But I had already done that. I had taken more than one social media growth course. Every time it interfered with my true compass which has always said: “follow your heart and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.” But these courses were suggesting that I do just the opposite. Everything in me said “No! This is not the way!”
Ultimately, after two entirely sleepless nights, I had to give in. I had to admit my limits. Despite the fact that I loved to share my process and my art, despite the fact that I found some truly wonderful content that others were making, I had to recognize the consequential side-effects, particularly as someone who is prone to mental health challenges.
Since then I’ve been in a deep contemplation about what really happened. Why did my psychological state decline so rapidly?
DIFFICULT DESIGN OF SHORT-FORM SOCIAL MEDIA
Here are some elements of how short-form social media is designed that contribute to a reality that is polarized and disempowered. It's important to note that as I list these difficult elements, I do not mean to place any kind of blame on the creators or designers of social media. I understand that social media has been created as a mirror of patterns that already exist in our society. In that way, noticing the difficult design elements of social media helps us to recognize the difficult designs of our society at-large. As someone who values being an empowered participant in our evolution, it feels important to recognize where there is room to grow as individuals and as a whole.
THE DOMINO
When I see the world in oversimplified, black and white terms, I feel like I’m constantly pit up against the other. There is constantly an enemy. Someone is always wrong and I constantly need to defend my stance.
When I start believing that I am worthless, I stop believing that I’m lovable. When I stop believing that I’m lovable, I stop being able to recognize and receive the love that is given to me. In defense to feeling unlovable, I begin to paint a picture that the one who supposedly isn’t loving me is ultimately a bad person, and not worthy of my love either. I get rigid and can become mean. This makes me lose even more trust in myself and others. I begin to see the world as a cruel place.
But, in an embodied 3D reality, this is my experience: I am very loved and appreciated by my family and community. I see people do kind things every day. The world is a beautiful and magical place where we are all growing together (even as that growth presents significant challenges to overcome as part of our ongoing evolution).
So, while I have considered hiring a social media manager (and have not yet completely ruled that out as a possibility), I’m not convinced that having someone else do it for me will eliminate the side-effects: Numbers are numbers. Pressure is pressure. I must only allow myself to be motivated by my inner voice. As soon as I removed myself from a reality that perpetuates black and white thinking and the quantification of our value, I was able to remember what this wonderful world is really about.
WHY ARE SOME ABLE TO DO IT WITHOUT PROBLEM?
I don’t know. But, I don’t think that everyone who thinks they’re immune to social media is as immune as they think. We are currently facing extreme mental health challenges as a society, which are leading to violence and destruction on many different levels. A study in 2022 found that 1/4 of the US population are taking prescription mental health medications. This had been a 20% increase in people taking prescriptions for mental health in the last year. Add that with the folks who self-medicate with other substances and I think we would be devastated by the numbers. While there are many stresses in our world to explain this dramatic rise in mental health concerns, I have never witnessed such fast and dramatic psychological regression in myself as the multiple times when I have left social media and then returned. Again, this is not to place blame on social media, but to let it inform us on how, as a whole, we may be perpetuating patterns that ultimately cause significant harm.
In the aftermath, I remind myself (and all those who relate to me): we have something worthy to offer the world. I love giving this love. I know I am valuable artist and community facilitator. I know I am worthy of being known, seen and supported for the gifts that I offer this wonderful world. I know the world will benefit from my offering.
PAVING A NEW PATH
I will finish my spring season of This Wonderful World on Youtube. Indeed, I am not opposed to media, in general. I love movies. I love screen shows. I love making media art. What challenges me is not the screen itself, but the difficult design elements of social media.
After that I don’t know what I’ll do, but I sense that the old-fashioned way of meeting folks in the flesh is still just ask powerful as ever. And, I'm happy to share that in response to ending my dance with short-form social media, 3 old friends reached out to me to reconnect in much deeper ways than watching each other on social media had offered. Already, I'm starting to remember that there are so many ways to connect and create success beyond social media.
With all that in mind, if you would like to make sure that you are in the loop of what comes next, please sign up to my email list and I will make sure to continue sharing all the good news of this wonderful world that we are creating, together: a wonderful world that is diverse. Inclusive. A world that integrates opposites into a peaceful whole. A world that holds the same value for the big and the small. A world that is alive, and in love. A world that is connected, abundant and thriving.
Thank you for all you do to keep this wonderful world happening.
No doubt there are wonderful things that short-form social media offers, but as someone prone to mental health challenges, the psychological consequences far outweigh the benefits. So while I have certainly felt the pressure to engage social media as a modern pillar for any independent artist's success, acknowledging and having boundaries around what triggers my mental health challenges is an important part of my self care. I maintain that am still a valuable creator and contributor to community without engaging it. I know that I am still worthy of having a platform to share my gifts.
To illustrate why I have made a choice to disengage short-form social media, I’d like to tell you about the recent experience that ultimately led me to commit to paving a new path.
MY INSTAGRAM STORY
Recently, I returned to Instagram after having taken a nearly-6 month break from it. I’ve been on and off social media for many years now, each time pausing my interaction after noticing a significant psychological decline, each time returning, again, because the dominant narrative is that artists and community-builders need social media in order to succeed.
In the time that I was off, I became more focused and confident in my craft than ever before. It was in this time that began “This Wonderful World”. While I was sharing it on YouTube, I didn’t promote it outside of the group of people who were featured in it (by private email). The responses I received were directly to me from people who I had met in person. The connection felt tangible and real.
Then, when the second season came around I decided to share it on Instagram. I had grown so much confidence in my creation that I felt like I could engage social media in a whole new way. Plus, I had been applying to preform at live venues who asked for social media handles in their applications, so it felt important to have new content on my account.
Unsure of what to do, I dove in by doing live streams in which I explored some of the core concepts of my work a little more deeply: I led a short meditation. Then, I shared some relevant concepts for environmental stewardship. Finally, I shared semi-improvisational songs based on the concept-of-the-day (to demonstrate my creative practice whereby I process my life though the inherent poetry of seeing myself reflected in everything). Part of me knew that it was unconventional as most social media posts are meant to be very concise, but that’s what was coming most naturally to me. That’s what felt right (and I’m committed to following the inner compass of what feels right).
I loved doing it! It brought me so much joy to share my process again (after a long break from offering in-person workshops since the Corona came). I looked forward every morning to sharing.
But, inevitably, I found myself spending more and more time scrolling before and after my livestream. There was some great content that I found! Then, I found myself checking my account throughout the day to see if anyone had interacted with my content -and then scrolling a little more.
But I couldn’t help but to notice the crickets. And I couldn’t help but to notice that my follower-count had declined. I told myself not to worry about it- "you’re just starting-off. Give it time."
So I kept at it. I was enjoying offering my live-stream and enjoying seeing some really beautiful things in my feed. But I couldn’t help but to notice some of the paid ads in the mix: “If you don’t get enough interaction or followers, you are going to hurt your business” “If you’re using social media without a proven social media strategy, you shouldn’t even be posting” After about every 5 posts from folks that I followed were paid posts aimed to direct my focus to the numbers: how many followers, how many views, how many likes, how many comments. The implication was clear: low numbers = low value.
Trained in hypnotherapy, I have an acute awareness of how repetitive messaging impacts the subconscious. This is not -in any way- meant to insinuate any negative intent on behalf of the people making those adds (I'm sure they have a genuine desire to help) but simply to notice the effects: after about a week I began to notice my psychological state begin to waiver. I was feeling anxious and depressed to degrees that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I began to doubt things that I had confidence in. I felt like a fraud: I was singing about loving this wonderful world through presence and trust, but it was suddenly feeling hard to find any of that. After two weeks I was a wreck. I felt scattered, negative, and drained. I didn’t have the energy to do my self-care practices. It was hard to focus on getting anything done. The doubt spiraled. I started to feel paranoid.
Fortunately, I recognized this state of being relativity quickly. Thanks to my living meditation practice, I was grateful to at least be aware of what was going on. I was able to see myself objectively enough to recognize the decline and investigate the cause.
When I asked myself what had changed since I started feeling so badly, it was pretty obvious: I was on social media again. But this was humbling to recognize! My pride didn’t want to admit that I was so susceptible. I wanted to believe that I could handle it. That I was strong enough.
So I fought myself: “Come on, Alana! Don’t limit yourself. Suck it up. Don’t you have what it takes?” It was convinced: “If you don’t figure out how to do social media, you’ll never have any success in life. Your work depends it.” The negative self-talk got worse: “You’re so weak Alana. You’re so dumb.”
There was also the part of me that sincerely recognizes the many benefits that social media can bring, namely that through it I have become aware of some great creators and events.
So, for a minute I considered buying one of those social media growth programs. “Maybe they’re right,” I thought, “maybe I just need a better strategy.” But I had already done that. I had taken more than one social media growth course. Every time it interfered with my true compass which has always said: “follow your heart and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.” But these courses were suggesting that I do just the opposite. Everything in me said “No! This is not the way!”
Ultimately, after two entirely sleepless nights, I had to give in. I had to admit my limits. Despite the fact that I loved to share my process and my art, despite the fact that I found some truly wonderful content that others were making, I had to recognize the consequential side-effects, particularly as someone who is prone to mental health challenges.
Since then I’ve been in a deep contemplation about what really happened. Why did my psychological state decline so rapidly?
DIFFICULT DESIGN OF SHORT-FORM SOCIAL MEDIA
Here are some elements of how short-form social media is designed that contribute to a reality that is polarized and disempowered. It's important to note that as I list these difficult elements, I do not mean to place any kind of blame on the creators or designers of social media. I understand that social media has been created as a mirror of patterns that already exist in our society. In that way, noticing the difficult design elements of social media helps us to recognize the difficult designs of our society at-large. As someone who values being an empowered participant in our evolution, it feels important to recognize where there is room to grow as individuals and as a whole.
- Scrolling
- Simplifications and false equations: To catch the viewer’s attention, the content needs to be simple and emotionally triggering. This lends itself to the oversimplification of many ideas. In fact, one of the courses I took specifically taught us to create polarizing content. There is very little room for subtly in short-form social media. While images can create a lot more room for complexity, many of the type-posts are presented in absolute terms: if x happens, then y is always true.
- Speed: These oversimplified ideas are presented so quickly that there’s not much time to meaningfully question them. Because there is generally an element of truth to them, they register subconsciously as The Truth. They begin to shape how we see the world.
- Unintended content: Paid adds enter your feed. If you accidentally hover on them for too long, or get a little curious, they get registered in the algorithm as something you’re interested in. While you can op-out of seeing specific adds that you don’t want to see anymore, you still have to go through the process of moving them out. The ideas still get planted, and it still takes energy to process them.
- Hyper-stimulation and addiction: Even as it is subconsciously overwhelming to meaningfully process so much so fast, our brains get physiologically hooked on the stimulation. There’s lots of science out there on this. You can easily google it.
- Numbers:
- Quantification of Value in Identity: Every time I posted I had to look at my follower count. That number is presented next to my name and my face as a marker of my popularity. If my numbers aren’t high, when people come to my account, they take my numbers as an indicator of my value. Whether or not I have 10 followers or 20 million, the message is the same, “you better get (and keep) a high number here." One of the primary purposes and gifts of numbers is to allow us make concrete comparisons. Placing numbers in the center of our social media design reflects the way our society has a tendency to not only to quantify each other, but to uplift the value of some and reduce the value of others, often based on qualities that are ultimately inconsequential in the assessment of someone's truth worth (for example, their looks, or how media-savy they are, or how much money they have).
- Quantification of Value in Content: Every time I post, the number of views, likes, comments and shares are counted. The implication is this: the content that has high numbers is better content. This can be very disruptive to the creative compass. For example, there was a time when most of my posts got somewhere around 35 likes and 200 views. But, when I posted a short video of a live performance where I took my dress off, I got about 2,000 views. If I were allowing the numbers to influence my creations, I would think: "just take your clothes of more, Alana, and you'll have more success. Sexy and shocking posts are the most valuable." Fortunately, I know that this is not true, but it takes real effort on my part to remind myself that the content that I make that is not-so-sexy, and not-so-shocking, has greater value than what the numbers indicate.
THE DOMINO
When I see the world in oversimplified, black and white terms, I feel like I’m constantly pit up against the other. There is constantly an enemy. Someone is always wrong and I constantly need to defend my stance.
When I start believing that I am worthless, I stop believing that I’m lovable. When I stop believing that I’m lovable, I stop being able to recognize and receive the love that is given to me. In defense to feeling unlovable, I begin to paint a picture that the one who supposedly isn’t loving me is ultimately a bad person, and not worthy of my love either. I get rigid and can become mean. This makes me lose even more trust in myself and others. I begin to see the world as a cruel place.
But, in an embodied 3D reality, this is my experience: I am very loved and appreciated by my family and community. I see people do kind things every day. The world is a beautiful and magical place where we are all growing together (even as that growth presents significant challenges to overcome as part of our ongoing evolution).
So, while I have considered hiring a social media manager (and have not yet completely ruled that out as a possibility), I’m not convinced that having someone else do it for me will eliminate the side-effects: Numbers are numbers. Pressure is pressure. I must only allow myself to be motivated by my inner voice. As soon as I removed myself from a reality that perpetuates black and white thinking and the quantification of our value, I was able to remember what this wonderful world is really about.
WHY ARE SOME ABLE TO DO IT WITHOUT PROBLEM?
I don’t know. But, I don’t think that everyone who thinks they’re immune to social media is as immune as they think. We are currently facing extreme mental health challenges as a society, which are leading to violence and destruction on many different levels. A study in 2022 found that 1/4 of the US population are taking prescription mental health medications. This had been a 20% increase in people taking prescriptions for mental health in the last year. Add that with the folks who self-medicate with other substances and I think we would be devastated by the numbers. While there are many stresses in our world to explain this dramatic rise in mental health concerns, I have never witnessed such fast and dramatic psychological regression in myself as the multiple times when I have left social media and then returned. Again, this is not to place blame on social media, but to let it inform us on how, as a whole, we may be perpetuating patterns that ultimately cause significant harm.
In the aftermath, I remind myself (and all those who relate to me): we have something worthy to offer the world. I love giving this love. I know I am valuable artist and community facilitator. I know I am worthy of being known, seen and supported for the gifts that I offer this wonderful world. I know the world will benefit from my offering.
PAVING A NEW PATH
I will finish my spring season of This Wonderful World on Youtube. Indeed, I am not opposed to media, in general. I love movies. I love screen shows. I love making media art. What challenges me is not the screen itself, but the difficult design elements of social media.
After that I don’t know what I’ll do, but I sense that the old-fashioned way of meeting folks in the flesh is still just ask powerful as ever. And, I'm happy to share that in response to ending my dance with short-form social media, 3 old friends reached out to me to reconnect in much deeper ways than watching each other on social media had offered. Already, I'm starting to remember that there are so many ways to connect and create success beyond social media.
With all that in mind, if you would like to make sure that you are in the loop of what comes next, please sign up to my email list and I will make sure to continue sharing all the good news of this wonderful world that we are creating, together: a wonderful world that is diverse. Inclusive. A world that integrates opposites into a peaceful whole. A world that holds the same value for the big and the small. A world that is alive, and in love. A world that is connected, abundant and thriving.
Thank you for all you do to keep this wonderful world happening.
